#Depression #WorkDiaries
I was struck by a comment made by someone related to a client I coach: "She claims she is depressed. But she gets aggressive and sometimes angry with us. She's not sad and quiet the way depressed people are supposed to be. She must be lying because depression saves her from blame and lets her behave the way she does."
While I do not in any manner condone unpleasant behaviour on part of people - depressed or otherwise - it is important to point out how little we understand of depression even as we casually throw around the word (and Google-based self-proclamation of diseases/disorders by some and the pursuant social media conversation does hinder the way those with genuine issues are received by people).
I am a psychologist but I do not want to get into the clinical aspects of depression in this post. What I do want to underline is what depression can look like to the layperson. While sadness is an underlying emotion in depression, it is important to remember that all diseases (particularly psychological ones) are expressed within the framework of social conditioning. In most cultures around the world, expression of sadness is not particularly encouraged. Most of us must have experienced being told to "cheer up" or "get on with your life" when we have been sad about something. However, every emotion, including sadness, has a neurochemical response which is very tangible and physical. Once arisen, the body stores the response till it is released through expression. When not allowed its natural expression, the body, out of its natural preservative instincts, attempts to find other means of release in order to stay as physically healthy as possible.
What this means in the case of depression is, when sadness is not expressed naturally owing to social conditioning and/or pressure, it can be expressed in myriad other ways including anger, rage, withdrawal, forced cheerfulness, stoicism, etc. A person around you who does not appear/behave sad at all may be depressed - and you may never notice unless you are tuned in.
It is also important to note that this sadness is not always the result of a hugely traumatic incident. It may be the result of years of build up caused by tolerance of or exposure to a certain person or behaviour. One cannot dismiss or disallow another's depression just because one cannot identify a reason or incident in the recent past.
In essence, depression is the unmet need for renewed meaning and connection with self and the world. And sometimes the sadness stems from the fact that one cannot/does not acknowledge having outgrown one's environment and its people - the conditioned sense of loyalty does not permit this.
Working with depression is a personal journey, but it is important to acknowledge that it is a social ailment, caused by impact of societal responses. So if there are depressed people in a society, the society is responsible to help them overcome it too. If you know or suspect that someone around you is depressed, the least you can do is to not invalidate their experience. Draw your boundaries clearly so you do not have to endure unpleasant behaviour, but also hold the space for them to express themselves, wherever possible. A social ailment warrants a social response: let's learn to create emotional safety for those around us. The healing begins there.
I was struck by a comment made by someone related to a client I coach: "She claims she is depressed. But she gets aggressive and sometimes angry with us. She's not sad and quiet the way depressed people are supposed to be. She must be lying because depression saves her from blame and lets her behave the way she does."
While I do not in any manner condone unpleasant behaviour on part of people - depressed or otherwise - it is important to point out how little we understand of depression even as we casually throw around the word (and Google-based self-proclamation of diseases/disorders by some and the pursuant social media conversation does hinder the way those with genuine issues are received by people).
I am a psychologist but I do not want to get into the clinical aspects of depression in this post. What I do want to underline is what depression can look like to the layperson. While sadness is an underlying emotion in depression, it is important to remember that all diseases (particularly psychological ones) are expressed within the framework of social conditioning. In most cultures around the world, expression of sadness is not particularly encouraged. Most of us must have experienced being told to "cheer up" or "get on with your life" when we have been sad about something. However, every emotion, including sadness, has a neurochemical response which is very tangible and physical. Once arisen, the body stores the response till it is released through expression. When not allowed its natural expression, the body, out of its natural preservative instincts, attempts to find other means of release in order to stay as physically healthy as possible.
What this means in the case of depression is, when sadness is not expressed naturally owing to social conditioning and/or pressure, it can be expressed in myriad other ways including anger, rage, withdrawal, forced cheerfulness, stoicism, etc. A person around you who does not appear/behave sad at all may be depressed - and you may never notice unless you are tuned in.
It is also important to note that this sadness is not always the result of a hugely traumatic incident. It may be the result of years of build up caused by tolerance of or exposure to a certain person or behaviour. One cannot dismiss or disallow another's depression just because one cannot identify a reason or incident in the recent past.
In essence, depression is the unmet need for renewed meaning and connection with self and the world. And sometimes the sadness stems from the fact that one cannot/does not acknowledge having outgrown one's environment and its people - the conditioned sense of loyalty does not permit this.
Working with depression is a personal journey, but it is important to acknowledge that it is a social ailment, caused by impact of societal responses. So if there are depressed people in a society, the society is responsible to help them overcome it too. If you know or suspect that someone around you is depressed, the least you can do is to not invalidate their experience. Draw your boundaries clearly so you do not have to endure unpleasant behaviour, but also hold the space for them to express themselves, wherever possible. A social ailment warrants a social response: let's learn to create emotional safety for those around us. The healing begins there.
