Thursday, September 18, 2008

They complain about the state of the world, about terrorism, about religious riots, about investment banks collapsing ... and about how sad they are. They also seem to suggest that apparently there is some virtue in sadness – life is 'meant' to be a struggle and one has to fight it out, all the while 'society' being the ready reason and excuse for every action or lack of it.

And yes, they are scared of love. If I were asked to name a common trait that unites all those that live behind the veil of 'society', this is it – they fear love. And they fear the thought of thinking about it.

I often have people confronting me about what I write on my blog, or live by. They are thoroughly distressed or disturbed with my views and seek to earnestly change it. I do not understand their disturbance. I do not care about their disagreement with my views - they have every right to have their views and it is heartening to know they think enough to disagree with something. But the fact that they almost plead to get me to change my views is something I do not understand - isn't it alright to agree to disagree?

That is the microcosm, reflecting clearly on the macrocosm of the world. On an individual level, tolerance to ideas is so limited that people constantly seek to change each other's views. There is a great feeling of insecurity when your partner chooses a different lifestyle than yours, when your boss rejects your ideas, when your friend wishes to live by herself when you believe in the family system. It is a collection of these individuals and their feelings that makes up the so called society, which obviously manifests the same qualities at a larger level.

So while individuals do not tolerate personal choices, the society does not tolerate choices of religion, economics, entertainment ... and it is interesting that when people use society as an excuse, they somehow do not seem to be a part of it.

To me, the so called 'society' does not exist. It is only a figment of collective imagination that has been fortified over centuries to be used by people as a shield against thought. For thought but naturally leads a human to the highest ideal, where there is no reason for the collective to exist – where there is no division for the need of a collective.

Have we become so enamoured with the physical vehicle that the mental path is being pushed away so desperately? I still wonder what it is about power and politics among individuals that is more intoxicating than the love of the self. One seeks power through work, money, status, etc. when one does not love oneself enough, and yet wants acceptance amongst others. In a way, it is about getting others to do what you refuse to do for yourself. Politics, of course, is the means to power.

How about giving a thought to thought? Once we start creating the true sense, through conscious intent, the veil of 'society' is bound to fade, for it never existed.

Beyond that, the universe is mental; I am my imagination.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Yet again one builds a nest… yet again there’s a call of love…

Self-love, in this case…

A lot of people who know me think I am irrational. I agree. Time and again I have discarded a well-woven blanket of security around me and ventured out into the unknown, simply because I was bored.

The ‘getting bored’ feeling has been a chronic visitor. In terms of my professional life, I first got bored in 2003, then seven months later in 2004, then about a year and a half later in the end of 2005. I thought my blasé attitude was because the organizations I was working with were not giving me growth at the pace I wanted. So I moved on whenever I thought my growth was being slowed. Then it came as a surprise to me when I realized that my own venture that I started in 2005 could have me itching for more.

I guess our aspirations match the nature of the universe – once the big bang explosion has commenced, it can only expand infinitely. Over the years I have been labelled arrogant, brash, immature, irresponsible, with regard to my constant need for change and freedom. A lot of these judgments come from a space of love and genuine concern, but I still wonder, why does love in our society lead to a protectionist attitude? Why does loyalty take precedence over love?

Probably, it is because love, in any form, brings freedom – the freedom to explore yourself and everything around you. This freedom entails ‘undefining’ things that have been defined for us by the social structure. And this can be scary for the system to behold.

When in certain ages, there are people who attempt to seek this undefined degree of freedom, who love beyond comprehension, they are elevated onto a pedestal. They are called Jesus or Buddha. And we are told to worship them, not emulate them. Because if we do, social paradigms would crumble.

May be that is why love is restricted to romance. Other things in life revolve around loyalty. Loyalty often translates into unconscious mental slavery. It is a very convenient tool. On the other hand, love propels change.

I have figured that the reason I ‘get bored’ and move on is because I love myself a lot. As a result whenever I believe I am not getting enough from a certain space in life, I decide to move onto another space. Fourteen months ago when I landed in Singapore, I had set up a little experiment for myself. I decided to try to minimize the use of any material security net that comes from my past. So my bank accounts in India remained untouched. All I had converted when I came to this country was SGD 50, to let me reach my destination from the airport. Some advance salary from my employer fed me during the first month, and then on it’s been about building a new bank account, new friends, new social network, a new me.

Over the years, my experiments with life have taught me this: Paradoxical as it may seem, it is only when you expose your weaknesses, that you discover your strengths. It is only when you stop holding on to the conventional routes of success, that you really progress. It is only when you let go, that you are truly secure.

I certainly do not intend to preach non-conformism. Not conforming for the sake of it is also a way of conforming, just in the opposite sense. But I do vouch for a journey into the self. It is enriching to explore the possibilities that a ‘no’ offers, when we readily and conventionally say ‘yes’ to certain choices. Unless you are capable of saying no, your yes is meaningless.

So I am in one of those ‘bored’ moments again. And I have decided to move on. Where? I leave that for life to unfold. For now I trust the journey and its purpose. Harivanshrai Bachchan’s Hindi poem comes to mind: “Need ka nirmaan phir phir, neh ka aahvaan phir phir…” Yet again one builds a nest… yet again there’s a call of love…