Yet again one builds a nest… yet again there’s a call of love…
Self-love, in this case…
A lot of people who know me think I am irrational. I agree. Time and again I have discarded a well-woven blanket of security around me and ventured out into the unknown, simply because I was bored.
The ‘getting bored’ feeling has been a chronic visitor. In terms of my professional life, I first got bored in 2003, then seven months later in 2004, then about a year and a half later in the end of 2005. I thought my blasé attitude was because the organizations I was working with were not giving me growth at the pace I wanted. So I moved on whenever I thought my growth was being slowed. Then it came as a surprise to me when I realized that my own venture that I started in 2005 could have me itching for more.
I guess our aspirations match the nature of the universe – once the big bang explosion has commenced, it can only expand infinitely. Over the years I have been labelled arrogant, brash, immature, irresponsible, with regard to my constant need for change and freedom. A lot of these judgments come from a space of love and genuine concern, but I still wonder, why does love in our society lead to a protectionist attitude? Why does loyalty take precedence over love?
Probably, it is because love, in any form, brings freedom – the freedom to explore yourself and everything around you. This freedom entails ‘undefining’ things that have been defined for us by the social structure. And this can be scary for the system to behold.
When in certain ages, there are people who attempt to seek this undefined degree of freedom, who love beyond comprehension, they are elevated onto a pedestal. They are called Jesus or Buddha. And we are told to worship them, not emulate them. Because if we do, social paradigms would crumble.
May be that is why love is restricted to romance. Other things in life revolve around loyalty. Loyalty often translates into unconscious mental slavery. It is a very convenient tool. On the other hand, love propels change.
I have figured that the reason I ‘get bored’ and move on is because I love myself a lot. As a result whenever I believe I am not getting enough from a certain space in life, I decide to move onto another space. Fourteen months ago when I landed in Singapore, I had set up a little experiment for myself. I decided to try to minimize the use of any material security net that comes from my past. So my bank accounts in India remained untouched. All I had converted when I came to this country was SGD 50, to let me reach my destination from the airport. Some advance salary from my employer fed me during the first month, and then on it’s been about building a new bank account, new friends, new social network, a new me.
Over the years, my experiments with life have taught me this: Paradoxical as it may seem, it is only when you expose your weaknesses, that you discover your strengths. It is only when you stop holding on to the conventional routes of success, that you really progress. It is only when you let go, that you are truly secure.
I certainly do not intend to preach non-conformism. Not conforming for the sake of it is also a way of conforming, just in the opposite sense. But I do vouch for a journey into the self. It is enriching to explore the possibilities that a ‘no’ offers, when we readily and conventionally say ‘yes’ to certain choices. Unless you are capable of saying no, your yes is meaningless.
So I am in one of those ‘bored’ moments again. And I have decided to move on. Where? I leave that for life to unfold. For now I trust the journey and its purpose. Harivanshrai Bachchan’s Hindi poem comes to mind: “Need ka nirmaan phir phir, neh ka aahvaan phir phir…” Yet again one builds a nest… yet again there’s a call of love…
Self-love, in this case…
A lot of people who know me think I am irrational. I agree. Time and again I have discarded a well-woven blanket of security around me and ventured out into the unknown, simply because I was bored.
The ‘getting bored’ feeling has been a chronic visitor. In terms of my professional life, I first got bored in 2003, then seven months later in 2004, then about a year and a half later in the end of 2005. I thought my blasé attitude was because the organizations I was working with were not giving me growth at the pace I wanted. So I moved on whenever I thought my growth was being slowed. Then it came as a surprise to me when I realized that my own venture that I started in 2005 could have me itching for more.
I guess our aspirations match the nature of the universe – once the big bang explosion has commenced, it can only expand infinitely. Over the years I have been labelled arrogant, brash, immature, irresponsible, with regard to my constant need for change and freedom. A lot of these judgments come from a space of love and genuine concern, but I still wonder, why does love in our society lead to a protectionist attitude? Why does loyalty take precedence over love?
Probably, it is because love, in any form, brings freedom – the freedom to explore yourself and everything around you. This freedom entails ‘undefining’ things that have been defined for us by the social structure. And this can be scary for the system to behold.
When in certain ages, there are people who attempt to seek this undefined degree of freedom, who love beyond comprehension, they are elevated onto a pedestal. They are called Jesus or Buddha. And we are told to worship them, not emulate them. Because if we do, social paradigms would crumble.
May be that is why love is restricted to romance. Other things in life revolve around loyalty. Loyalty often translates into unconscious mental slavery. It is a very convenient tool. On the other hand, love propels change.
I have figured that the reason I ‘get bored’ and move on is because I love myself a lot. As a result whenever I believe I am not getting enough from a certain space in life, I decide to move onto another space. Fourteen months ago when I landed in Singapore, I had set up a little experiment for myself. I decided to try to minimize the use of any material security net that comes from my past. So my bank accounts in India remained untouched. All I had converted when I came to this country was SGD 50, to let me reach my destination from the airport. Some advance salary from my employer fed me during the first month, and then on it’s been about building a new bank account, new friends, new social network, a new me.
Over the years, my experiments with life have taught me this: Paradoxical as it may seem, it is only when you expose your weaknesses, that you discover your strengths. It is only when you stop holding on to the conventional routes of success, that you really progress. It is only when you let go, that you are truly secure.
I certainly do not intend to preach non-conformism. Not conforming for the sake of it is also a way of conforming, just in the opposite sense. But I do vouch for a journey into the self. It is enriching to explore the possibilities that a ‘no’ offers, when we readily and conventionally say ‘yes’ to certain choices. Unless you are capable of saying no, your yes is meaningless.
So I am in one of those ‘bored’ moments again. And I have decided to move on. Where? I leave that for life to unfold. For now I trust the journey and its purpose. Harivanshrai Bachchan’s Hindi poem comes to mind: “Need ka nirmaan phir phir, neh ka aahvaan phir phir…” Yet again one builds a nest… yet again there’s a call of love…
