On Depression...

#Depression #WorkDiaries
I was struck by a comment made by someone related to a client I coach: "She claims she is depressed. But she gets aggressive and sometimes angry with us. She's not sad and quiet the way depressed people are supposed to be. She must be lying because depression saves her from blame and lets her behave the way she does."
While I do not in any manner condone unpleasant behaviour on part of people - depressed or otherwise - it is important to point out how little we understand of depression even as we casually throw around the word (and Google-based self-proclamation of diseases/disorders by some and the pursuant social media conversation does hinder the way those with genuine issues are received by people).
I am a psychologist but I do not want to get into the clinical aspects of depression in this post. What I do want to underline is what depression can look like to the layperson. While sadness is an underlying emotion in depression, it is important to remember that all diseases (particularly psychological ones) are expressed within the framework of social conditioning. In most cultures around the world, expression of sadness is not particularly encouraged. Most of us must have experienced being told to "cheer up" or "get on with your life" when we have been sad about something. However, every emotion, including sadness, has a neurochemical response which is very tangible and physical. Once arisen, the body stores the response till it is released through expression. When not allowed its natural expression, the body, out of its natural preservative instincts, attempts to find other means of release in order to stay as physically healthy as possible.
What this means in the case of depression is, when sadness is not expressed naturally owing to social conditioning and/or pressure, it can be expressed in myriad other ways including anger, rage, withdrawal, forced cheerfulness, stoicism, etc. A person around you who does not appear/behave sad at all may be depressed - and you may never notice unless you are tuned in.
It is also important to note that this sadness is not always the result of a hugely traumatic incident. It may be the result of years of build up caused by tolerance of or exposure to a certain person or behaviour. One cannot dismiss or disallow another's depression just because one cannot identify a reason or incident in the recent past.
In essence, depression is the unmet need for renewed meaning and connection with self and the world. And sometimes the sadness stems from the fact that one cannot/does not acknowledge having outgrown one's environment and its people - the conditioned sense of loyalty does not permit this.
Working with depression is a personal journey, but it is important to acknowledge that it is a social ailment, caused by impact of societal responses. So if there are depressed people in a society, the society is responsible to help them overcome it too. If you know or suspect that someone around you is depressed, the least you can do is to not invalidate their experience. Draw your boundaries clearly so you do not have to endure unpleasant behaviour, but also hold the space for them to express themselves, wherever possible. A social ailment warrants a social response: let's learn to create emotional safety for those around us. The healing begins there.

Love Beyond The Beloved

In dispersing fragrances
The wind transmutes
From being the vehicle of scents
To being scented.

In streaming its radiance
The moon metamorphoses
From being a reflector of light
To being luminescent.

In freeing the beloved
The lover deepens
From the act of loving
To being love.

This is the field...

#WorkDiaries
Often in the context of my peacebuilding work I am asked if I believe peace is really possible. Had one of those conversations recently again, and my conviction remains: peace is as much a reality now as war is.
Somehow we have bought into the notion that peace is the opposite of war and that for peace to be 'established' we need to end terrorism, wars, nuclear weapons, hunger, poverty...
If there were to be a polarity of peace, it is lack of power. Inner power. Not war. Those that have been unable to tap into their inner power, try to find it in weapons, in rape, in genocide, in creating inequity, in hoarding profits. They attempt to usurp the power of a chair as their own.
Those that have found their power are busy with peace: they run schools and hospitals, produce food in their kitchens, take care of their children, create art and music. And yes, they live, have conflicts, resolve them - and sometimes not, fall in love, get divorced, mourn the dead, celebrate birthdays...
I am sometimes told I am not feminist enough, when I am not bothered about there not being many women in negotiation tables and boardrooms. The way I see it, that is not the problem. What we need is more men in the kitchens, more men choosing to nurture and educate than running after the power of a chair, more people exploring life through art and literature and music, more people caring about those refugee children and their future than about the imaginary borders we pretend to protect.
Peace is not about ending wars. It is about creating spaces of acceptance and acknowledgement of everything we are - including our smallness. Can you be ok if all I want is to be a tailor and not a CEO? Can you be ok if I spend most of my time cultivating my food to eat rather than make strategic decisions on how to beat a competitor? Can you be ok if I value joy over ambition?
And if you do, and I find my joy in tending to my sustenance, I may have the energy to think of devising space travel, curing challenging ailments and creating technology that dazzles the world. Because then, I don't have to keep fighting your notion of what is right and successful and practical.
In our smallness, lies our universe. In that universe, is our unfathomable largeness.
Peace is not an event to be established. Peace is a choice, as is power. And when you find that power within, you find there is no need to exercise it over anyone else. You exercise it to experience yourself.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. And there are billions, busy working there...

The flower in the graveyard

At this juncture we stand

On the shoulders of our past.

We honour the possibilities in the present

And the deaths of the self

That made space for this moment.

Much like the flower that blossoms

In the graveyard:

It celebrates the life in the plant

And the dead that nourish its roots.

Therein lies the beauty

Of life and death

Nourishing each other.

What some call, a paradox

Nature calls, flourishing.

My body IS NOT your battlefield

#Asifa #TheWombTales #JourneyOfTheFeminine

My body

IS NOT

Your battlefield.

For aeons

You have denied

Your sexuality

Your identity

Your privilege

Your power

Or the lack of it all.

You have projected

Your struggle

To take the form

Of religion

Of casteism

Of politics

Of corruption

And fought your demons

On the battlefield

That is my body.

You wanted to fight terror,

I was raped.

You wanted to gain power,

I was raped.

You wanted to punish an enemy,

I was raped.

You wanted to prove your manhood,

I was raped.

BACK OFF!

If you still do not have

The courage to face your fears

Let your demons devour you,

The way my body mourns

An unfertilised egg every month.

Yet it does not hold on

To its fear of not creating

Of not experiencing life.

It submits instead

To death

So the emptiness

May hold potential again.

My body lives

In faith of its power.

You have lived

In the lack of faith

In your power.

May your fear consume you.

May you die to your lack.

May be you will

Be reborn

Remembering

That my body

IS NOT

Your battlefield.